I have begun reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Elredge for the third times. (For those unfamiliar with the text, it is a book written by Christian authors as an inspirational piece). The first two times I tried to read it, I got really excited by the first chapter and burnt out after the second. Today, however, I finally crossed a landmark in the book for me: chapter three. And I'm glad that I did because I am connecting to what they are saying.
I find myself particularly drawn to some of the things Curtis and Elredge speak of-- a deep longing for something more. A restlessness for excitement and romance. I understand what they are talking about when they say that people get bogged down by the "arrows." As I think back over my past 5 years I have spent so much time noticing aspects of the world that contradict my idea of Jesus. I have let my bitterness harden me and have pushed away the church more often than I have gravitated towards it (the church, not Jesus). But underneath the bitterness and anger, I have burried a real desire to be close to God again-- to seek him and know him, to be in his presence and be in fellowship with believers. I feel like I am finally hitting a place where I can look past my scars and remember what this Christianity thing is all about.
Over and over again I find myself drawn to a passage in Matthew 22:
34Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:
36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
If only I can continue to follow my heart and not get dragged down by my stubborn independence or memories of pain...
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